I'd Like You To Meet My Mate.

We’ve all met those couples that personify what I like to call the “I caught a butterfly” look. The awe, the admiration, the glow as they gaze upon their love as if they can’t believe their luck. It makes me want to make a toast to love and prance around in a skirt.

But nothing snaps me out of my romantic reverie faster than having someone introduce the love of their life as their “mate.” I’m sorry, but chimpanzees have mates. You, on the other hand, are human, and I can’t think of anything less appealing than having my significant other compare our relationship to that of hairy primates.

That’s when you know the romance is gone.

Equally cold and utilitarian is ‘spouse’, a term which should only be used in legal proceedings and other equally boring situations. If you’ve been put in the awkward position of having to deal with this type of introduction, you know what I mean when I say that this conjures up about as much warmth as a cat in a bathtub.  And if you have been the instigator, know that I will inevitably assume by your choice of words that your relationship is at best business-like and at worst, emotionally geriatric.

So instead of making us all feel like we just bit into a lemon, consider the alternative. A professor of mine introduces his wife by saying that they have been dating for forty-three years, and as he says it, glances down bashfully. (Insert sighs from all the female students here) Take a cue from him and maybe you won’t remind us all of Discovery Channel documentaries quite so much.