For all of you having babies out there, congratulations and
more power to you. Although I don’t yet feel old enough to be entrusted with a
nine-to-five job or a mortgage, much less a clone of myself, plenty of my
friends are taking the plunge and seem perfectly happy doing so. I love babies
and will unashamedly make a fool of myself cooing ridiculously nonsensical
nothings into their precious little faces.
What astonishes me, though, are the weird pictures some
people take of their babies. Sure, most people take pictures of their newborns,
whether they’re for announcements, Facebook or just the front of their fridge.
But all you have to do is Google “baby photography” to see that competition is stiff to
earn the “Most Artsy Baby Picture” award. It’s like hipsters run every photography
studio. “How about a picture of the two of us holding our baby?” “No, no, way
too normal. Let’s put her sleeping on a tree stump and take a picture.”
Other questionable ideas include suspending your infant in a
hammock or sling from a tree branch as they take a little doze. Just my first
impression, but that looks a little precarious to me. Or, you could put your
delicate infant naked in a basket, a la baby Moses on the River Nile. If you
wanted to get really creative, why not put your child in an enormous jar of
peppermints? No really, that’s a thing. Look it up.
Call it creative expression or what have you, but seriously.
Enough with the bizarre baby photo shoots. They’ll grow up to take moody
pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirror with their phones soon enough.
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